Petunia's Horrid Visitor
by The Bromance Kills
Summary: Whilst making a cake, Petunia's kitchen is invaded by a rather unexpected visitor. Set during third year and if you're going to read this then please review!


**Chapter 1**

Petunia Dursley wasn't sure she enjoyed baking. She wasn't sure she enjoyed anything at all really but most of the things she did were all for one purpose. To make sure people understood she was a completely average person. No secrets, no scandals, just a perfectly normal woman.

After making sure half the street knew she was making a cake, Petunia made sure it was laid down to cool directly in front of the open window, where nosy busybodies like Mrs Hawker across the road could clearly see it. It was unusually quiet at Pivet Drive that afternoon, with Vernon at work, Dudley at Smeltings and her horrible nephew running amok somewhere. She was extremely pleased to have seen him storm out of her house, dragging his trunk behind him and the fury of the devil plain on his face. She never liked him, nor his parents and the rest of his kind. The sooner he left the better in her opinion.

After wiping down the worktops with a whole pack of disinfectant wipes, Petunia glanced back at her cake. And to her utter shock and surprise, the cake was suddenly flung to the floor by a huge, black ravenous dog which proceeded to devour it.

Petunia gaped at it, paralysed with fear and shock. It was _massive_ and Petunia glanced fearfully up at the window it had just jumped through, wondering how on earth he had managed it. Her precious cake was demolished in seconds and the hound turned his red gaze to her, making the blood drain out of her face with terror.

"Please don't kill me" Petunia whimpered, sliding down the worktop as her legs suddenly lost the strength to support her. "Oh where's that bloody shotgun when you need it...?!"

The hound gave her an almost reproachful look before it rose up on its hind legs. But it didn't stop there and the canine kept rising and its fur started to disappear. It face, its body began to morph and squish together in the most revolting way, making Petunia gag in disgust. The black colour changed to a dirty tanned colour, clothes appeared out of nowhere and suddenly, without warning, a fully grown man was standing in Petunia's kitchen.

Petunia couldn't even perform coherent thoughts in her head as she gazed open-mouthed at him, her eyes glazed. For a woman who panicked when she saw the smallest of strange things, this was literally mind blowing.

"Y..y...you're him" She stammered, her legs folding beneath her as she knelt on the floor. Most undignified. "My God, y..you're he man from the news!"

Sirius Black cocked his head to the side a little, as if he was studying a strange thing he had found on the floor. Then he shrugged slightly, stepping over Petunia as if she wasn't there, and calmly began to raid the fridge. He stared inside the brimming compartments, whistling lowly to himself.

"It's enough to feed a small country" He mused, pulling out one of Dudley's many doughnuts "Makes me wonder why you're such an underfed vulture..."

Petunia fumed quietly to herself, wincing as she watched his grimy fingers poke inside her sparkling fridge. She couldn't begin to guess the amount of germs on his filthy hands. She scrambled off the floor, straightening her dress out and flushing furiously as she thought of the neighbours chatting about her being sprawled across the floor, like a _Scarlett women_ for God's sake!

" I demand that you leave my property at once!" She ordered, as firmly as she could "Or I'll call the police this instant!"

Sirius grunted, swigging a carton of milk, his chapped lips directly touching the opening. He looked like a street rat, with dirty hair lying in messy locks around his head. His face was smutty and a wild beard was growing all over his chin. His clothes were hardly in better shape and through the tattered material Petunia could see his scrawny, mal-nourished figure.

"It always amuses me when Muggles use that as a threat against me" Sirius said casually, more to himself than to Petunia "Have you got any more of that cake?"

But Petunia wasn't listening. She stopped listening after he had uttered the word 'muggle' because she knew what that meant.

"Oh no, no NO!" She screamed at him, her face moulded into a mask of disgust and terror. "I will not have a...a filthy wizard MURDERER in my house! Get out, get out now you disgusting savage!"

Sirius growled at her, resembling his dog self remarkably, and Petunia's momentary courage wavered and died.

"Watch your tongue Petunia Dursley!" He warned lowly, his threat raising the hairs on the back of Petunia's neck. "You're not in my good books, considering the way you treated Lily, so I wouldn't say anything stupid if I were you."

Petunia cursed inwardly at the mention of her dead sister. The situation could turn dangerous if Black found out about the way she had treated Lily's son.

Sirius ate quietly for a couple of minutes, the tense silence punctured by his chewing and swallowing noises. When his hunger was satisfied at long last and he closed the fridge door, Petunia finally managed to ask a question.

"What do you want from us?" She asked her voice pathetically small. "I have no idea where the Potter brat is, I swear! "

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her and Petunia sunk even lower.

"His name is Harry" Sirius corrected coldly. "He's at Diagon Alley right now, being looked after and fed and sheltered. Not that _you_ would care. Lily spoke of your jealous black heart often."

"How do you know her?" Petunia interrupted, a sliver of disgust sliding into her stomach as she looked at his rotten nails "It's just typical of Lily, getting involved with criminals. I always said she was a bad egg, but no-one ever _listened_..."

Petunia trailed off as she realised Sirius was glowering at her, both his fists clenched tightly. She muttered something weakly but she doubted Sirius could hear.

" Lily was my best friends wife" Sirius informed her icily, and Petunia flinched slightly "James Potter, remember him? Your brother-in-law? The man you were so horrible to, the man you only saw once? JAMES POTTER, YOUR NEPHEW'S FATHER, REMEMBER?!"

Petunia scrambled backwards as Black screamed the last few words at her, suddenly fearful for her life. For the first time, it actually occurred to her that Black had murdered many people in his time, and now he was probably thinking about slaughtering her too! Curse his neck, he was going to kill her!

Sirius sniffed, looking regretful as he saw the blatant, wide-eyed, revolted dread in her eyes.

"I apologize" He murmured stiffly, turning his face away from her beady eyes " Twelve years on, and it still feels like yesterday,you know? I wish I could just go back home but thanks to that _ ~#! _Voldermort, I don't even have a life any more!"

Petunia scowled disapprovingly at the careless, foul-mouthed swear that had tumbled out of his mouth. She had never tolerated swearing, and even Vernon had learnt to keep a clean mouth whenever _she _was around.

"I'll thank you to keep your words respectable when you're in my house." Petunia hissed angrily,like a disturbed cobra. "Get out!"

Sirius took no notice of her order, instead dragging himself up on to one of the kitchen worktops, the very worktop Petunia had been disinfecting all morning. He sat casually, swinging his legs and gazing about with a faintly disturbed expression on his face.

" I have no plans for staying" Sirius said softly, gazing about his surroundings for the first time. " So this really is were young Harry lives, hmm?"

"Out of the goodness of our hearts" Petunia sulked, annoyed that he was refusing to leave " And out of our kindness we let the boy stay"

Sirius let out a bark of scornful laughter, humour absent from his eyes.

"You can't fool me, Dursley" He mocked " You wanted nothing to do with Harry and you still don't, I can see it in your eyes. Don't worry though, I'm planning to take him off you if things turn out well..

"You" Petunia interrupted disbelievingly, " A filthy criminal wanted all over the country. You want to take the boy?"

"Yes" Sirius replied smoothly, arching an eyebrow at her. "Do you have a problem with that?" Petunia frowned, thinking about it and she realised she couldn't care less.

"You can do whatever you like to _him" _She sniffed off handedly " I hope he never comes back again. Horrid boy"

Sirius bowed his head in an unusually solemn way and Petunia had to incline her head closer towards his direction to catch the words he muttered into his chest.

" It is only out of respect for Lily" She managed to make out " That I'm not teaching you the lesson you deserve, Dursley" He rose his head and fixed his eyes on Petunia and she couldn't break the contact. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't tear her gaze away from his silently seething face. "You'll be sorry for how you treated your nephew one day, Petunia, and I'm afraid it might be too late for you to repent."

Petunia's eyebrow twitched and it was with great effort that she managed to maintain her aloof, cold exterior.

"Get out" She spat out once more, but for the first time Sirius looked as if he was obeying. He jumped down from the worktop, rolling his neck as if he was preparing for a race.

"I'm coming back you know" He informed her, as he crouched on all fours with Petunia watching over bemusedly "Don't think I'll forget this Petunia"

And before she could get another spiteful word in, Sirius became the hound that had leapt through her window and without hesitation, he leapt out again. Petunia stood frozen to her spot in the corner for a long while, not entirely sure whether it was safe for her to move or not. When she did eventually manage to take a step forward, she was surprised at how unafraid she felt now that he was gone. In fact, she felt...strangely nostalgic, as if she had just seen something she used to know very well.

"Scheming, flea-bitten _sorcerers!_" She mentally screamed to herself, already beginning the tedious task of rubbing all the surfaces Sirius had come into contact with a fresh batch of wipes. "I HATE them!"

An image of Lily flashed before her minds eye and Petunia scrubbed harder,liquid stinging her eyes but she convinced herself it was just the disinfectant. Anyway, it wasn't like Petunia was actually _sorry _for the way she had acted with her only sibling. After all, Petunia Dursley never felt remorseful. Especially not for wizards, and most definitely not her horrible little nephew.

Petunia Dursley would never regret her hateful choices and that was the way she had decided to live her life. Petunia Dursley would never look back.

* * *

**I just wanted to write this so I did. I haven't written anything for so long, and I'm feeling slightly guilty for not completing my other fics.**

**I'm not expecting any reviews, but if you give me one, then you're a star!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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